"Becoming Muslim" "Muslim - Christian Dialog" changed her life

"Girl
Becomes A Muslim"
Childhood
I was raised to believe in God from childhood. I attended church
nearly every Sunday, went to Bible school, and sang in the choir.
Yet religion was never a really big part of my life.
There
were times when I thought myself close to God. I often prayed
to him for guidance and strength in times of despair or for a
wish in times of want. But I soon realized that this feeling of
closeness soon evaporated when I was no longer begging God for
something. I realized that I even though I believed, I lacked
faith.
World
Was A "Game"
I perceived the world to be a game in which God indulged in from
time to time. He inspired people to write a Bible and somehow
people were able to find faith within this Bible.
As
I grew older and became more aware of the world, I believed more
in God. I believed that there had to be a God to bring some order
to the chaotic world. If there were no God, I believed the world
would have ended in utter anarchy thousands of years ago. It was
comfort to me to believe there was a supernatural force guiding
and protecting man.
Children
Take Religion From Parents
Children usually assume their religion from parents. I was no
different. At the age of 12, I began to give in depth thinking
to my spirituality. I realized there was a void in my life where
a faith should be. Whenever I was in need or despair, I simply
prayed to someone called Lord. But who was this Lord truly? I
once asked my mother who to pray to, Jesus or God. Believing my
mother to be right, I prayed to Jesus and to him I attributed
all good things.
I
have heard that religion cannot be argued. My friends and I tried
to do this many times. I often had debates with my friends about
Protestantism, Catholicism, and Judaism. Through these debates
I searched within myself more and more and decided I should do
something about my emptiness. And so at the age of 13, I began
my search for truth.
Humankind
is always in constant pursuit of knowledge or the truth. My search
for truth could not be deemed as an active pursuit of knowledge.
I continued having the debates, and I read the Bible more. But
it did not really extend from this. During this period of time
my mother took notice of my behavior and from then on I have been
in a "religious phase." My behavior was far from a phase.
I simply shared my newly gained knowledge with my family. I learned
about the beliefs, practices, and doctrines within Christianity
and minimal beliefs and practices within Judaism.
A
few months within my search I realized that if I believe in Christianity
I believed myself to be condemned to Hell. Not even considering
the sins of my past, I was on a "one way road to Hell"
as southern ministers tend to say. I could not believe all the
teachings within Christianity. However, I did try.
Call
to "salvation?"
I can remember many times being in church and fighting with myself
during the Call to Discipleship. I was told that by simply confessing
Jesus to be my Lord and Savior I would be guaranteed eternal life
in Heaven. I never did walk down the aisle to the pastor's outstretched
hands, and my reluctance even increased my fears of heading for
Hell. During this time I was at unease. I often had alarming nightmares,
and I felt very alone in the world.
But
not only did I lack belief but I had many questions that I posed
to every knowledgeable Christian I could find and never really
did receive a satisfactory answer. I was simply told things that
confused me even more. I was told that I am trying to put logic
to God and if I had faith I could simply believe and go to Heaven.
Well, that was the problem: I did not have faith. I did not believe.
Questioning
Belief
I did not really believe in anything. I did believe there was
a God and that Jesus was his son sent to save humankind. That
was it. My questions and reasoning did, however, exceed my beliefs.
The
questions went on and on. My perplexity increased. My uncertainty
increased. For fifteen years I had blindly followed a faith simply
because it was the faith of my parents.
"Muslim
- Christian Dialog"
Something happened in my life in which the little faith I did
have decreased to all but nothing. My search came to a stop. I
no longer searched within myself, the Bible. or church. I had
given up for a while. I was a very bitter parson until one day
a friend gave me a book. It was called "The Muslim-Christian
Dialogue."
I
took the book and read it. I am ashamed to say that during my
searching never did I once consider another religion. Christianity
was all I knew, and I never thought about leaving it. My knowledge
of Islam was very minimal. In fact, it was mainly filled with
misconception and stereotypes. The book surprised me. I found
that I was not the only one who believed there was a simply a
God. I asked for more books. I received them as well as pamphlets.
Learned
Islam
I learned about Islam from an intellectual aspect. I had a close
friend who was Muslim and I often asked her questions about the
practices. Never did I once consider Islam as my faith. Many things
about Islam alienated me.
After
a couple months of reading the month of Ramadan began. Every Friday
I could I joined the local Muslim community for the breaking of
the fast and the reciting of the Quran. I posed questions that
I may have come across to the Muslim girls. I was in awe at how
someone could have so much certainty in what they believed and
followed. I felt myself drawn to the religion that alienated me.
Islam
Brought Comfort & Reminder
Having believed for so long that I was alone, Islam did comfort
me in many ways. Islam was brought as a reminder to the world.
It was brought to lead the people back to the right path.
Beliefs
were not the only thing important to me. I wanted a discipline
to pattern my life by. I did not just want to believe someone
was my savior and through this I held the ticket to Heaven. I
wanted to know how to act to receive the approval of God. I wanted
a closeness to God. I wanted to be God-conscious. Most of all
I wanted a chance for heaven. I began to feel that Christianity
did not give this to me, but Islam did.
I
continued learning more. I went to the Eid celebration and Jummah
and weekly classes with my friends.
Through
religion one receives peace of mind. A calmness about them. This
I had off and on for about three years. During the off times I
was more susceptible to the temptations of Satan. In early February
of 1997 I came to the realization that Islam was right and true.
However, I did not want to make any hasty decisions. I did decide
to wait.
Satan
Tempted
Within this duration the temptations of Satan increased. I can
recollect two dreams in which he was a presence. Satan was calling
me to him. After I awoke from these nightmares I found solace
in Islam. I found myself repeating the Shahadah. These dreams
almost made me change my mind. I confided them in my Muslim friend.
She suggested that maybe Satan was there to lead me from the truth.
I never thought of it that way.
On
March 19, 1997 after returning from a weekly class, I recited
the Shahadah to myself. Then on March 26, I recited it before
witnesses and became an official Muslim.
Became
Muslim
I cannot express the joy I felt. I cannot express the weight that
was lifted from my shoulders. I had finally received my peace
of mind.
...
It has been about five months since I recited the Shahadah. Islam
has made me a better person. I am stronger now and understand
things more. My life has changed significantly. I now have purpose.
My purpose is to prove myself worthy of eternal life in Jennah.
I have my long sought after faith. Religion is a part of me all
the time. I am striving everyday to become the best Muslim I can
be.
People
are often amazed at how a fifteen year old can make such an important
decision in life. I am grateful that Allah blessed me with my
state of mind that I was able to find it so young.
Striving
to Be A Good Muslim - In Non-Muslim Society
It is hard to be a good Muslim in a Christian dominated society.
Living with a Christian family is even harder. However, I do not
try to get discouraged. I do not wish to dwell on my present predicament,
but I believe that my jihad is simply making me stronger. Someone
once told me that I am better off than some people who were born
into Islam, in that I had to find, experience, and realize the
greatness and mercy of Allah. I have acquired the reasoning that
seventy years of life on earth is nothing compared to eternal
life in Paradise.
I
must admit that I lack the aptitude to express the greatness,
mercy, and glory of Allah. I hope my account helped others who
may feel the way I felt or struggle the way I struggled.
As
salamu alaykum wa rahmatulah wa barakatuh,
Natassia
M. Kelly