Islam & the Concept of Friendship
Below you will find several articles relating to the concept of Friendship in Islam.
By Br. Isa Al-Bosnee
Humans have always been social creatures and in need of friends and companions. Much of our lives is spent in interaction with others. For us Muslims who are living in a society where we are clearly a minority, the issue of choosing the right companions is essential for preserving our Deen. Befriending righteous and virtuous Muslims is an essential means for staying on the Straight Path. Strong individuals, on the other hand, are the core of a strong community, something that Muslims should always strive for.
We all know that we were created for a specific purpose and that Allah the Most High has given us life in order to test us. None of us will deny that we are here for a relatively short period of time and that we shall meet Allah (swt) one Day. Once we know our purpose and our goal, we should seek ways to achieve them so as to benefit our own selves. All of us believe that Allah has sent us a Messenger (saws) and revealed to us the Qur’an, the Best Speech.
In an authentic Hadith, the Prophet Muhammad (saws) said: “A person is likely to follow the faith of his friend, so look whom you befriend.” (1).
The person most noble in character and dealings with fellow humans gave us a very clear message and advice in regard to friendship. We should choose the friend that is satisfied with our Deen and avoid the friend that is displeased with it. Whoever we see and are pleased with his Deen, we should befriend him and whoever we are displeased with his Deen and his manners, we ought to avoid him. There is no good in the companion who does not wish for us (from good) what he wishes for himself. There is also no good in the companion who wishes for us what he wishes for himself, if what he likes for his own soul is leading him towards destruction and Hellfire.
The bases for the actions of those who follow the evil ways are corrupt; their actions are built upon misguidance and deviation. Their deeds are worthless to them as Allah (swt) said: “And We will proceed to what they have done of deeds, so We shall render them to scattered floating dust.” Qur’an 25:23
Their actions, even if we regard them as righteous and noble are of no value to them, so how can they be of benefit to us? Friends are those who feel for their companions, in both happy and sad moments. If we share our feelings with the wrong-doers whose actions are worthless and based on corruption, then we are following the same ways and standards as they are. Affection which results from that friendship leads to love and closeness to other than the righteous believers, and this may even lead to avoiding those who are on the Straight Way. Mixing with followers of any way other than that of the Guidance also results in a change in one’s behavior, morals and conduct.
If we agree, follow and are pleased with such friends, then we inherit their habits, behaviors and even religion. Such a Muslim would find himself in a situation wherein he is willing to hide his Islam in front of those who despise it (those that he considers as friends) and to separate from the believers. When this situation occurs, a point is reached when there is a very slight difference between the Muslim and his wrong-doing companion. Such a companionship is the root of sickness of one’s heart and loss of one’s Deen.
Instead of making friends with the misguided ones we should befriend the righteous and treat the rest in a gracious and just manner. Staying at sufficient distance is necessary, yet treating everybody in a noble and kind manner is required.
In another Hadith, Prophet Muhammad (saws) said: “The example of a good companion and a bad companion is like that of the seller of musk, and the one who blows the blacksmith’s bellows.. So as for the seller of musk then either he will grant you some, or you buy some from him, or at least you enjoy a pleasant smell from him. As for the one who blows the blacksmith’s bellows then either he will burn your clothes or you will get an offensive smell from him.” (2)
In his commentary of this Hadith, Imam an-Nawawy said that the Prophet (saws) compared a good companion to a seller of musk and spoke of the virtue of having companions who are good, who have noble manners, piety, knowledge and good culture. Such are those who grant us from their virtue. And he (saws) forbade us to sit with those who do evil, commit a lot of sins and other bad deeds, as well as with innovators, backbiters, and so forth. Another scholar said: “keeping good company with the pious results in attainment of beneficial knowledge, noble manners and righteous actions, whereas keeping company with the wicked prevents all of that.” Many times a Muslim is encouraged by his friends to do evil and to forget his duties. The result is that Muslims themselves are often ashamed to leave them to perform prayer, their friends thus causing them to clearly deviate from the Right Path.
Allah the Exalted says in the Qur’an: “And (remember) the Day when the wrong-doer will bite his hands and say: Woe to me! Would that I had taken a path with the Messenger. Woe to me! If only I had not taken so- and-so as a friend! He has led me astray from this Reminder (the Qur’an) after it had come to me. And Satan is ever a deserter to man in the hour of need.” Qur’an 25:27-29
So take heed before the inevitable Day comes when we are called to account for our actions.
Allah, the All-Wise also says: “Friends on that Day will be enemies one to another, except al-Muttaqoon (i.e. those who have Taqwah).” Qur’an 43:67
Hafidh Ibn Katheer, commenting on this verse, relates a story on the authority of Ali Ibn Abi Talib (ra) and says that any friendship for other than Allah is turned into enmity, except what was in it for Allah the Mighty and Majestic: “Two who are friends for Allah’s sake; one of them dies and is given good news that he will be granted al-Jannah, so he remembered his friend and he supplicated for him, saying: ‘O Allah, my friend used to command me to obey You and to obey Your Prophet (saws) and used to command me to do good and to forbid me from doing evil. And he told me that I will meet You. O Allah, do not let him go astray after me, until you show him what you have just shown me, until You are satisfied with him, just like You are satisfied with me.’ So he is told: ‘Had you known what is (written) for you friend, would you have laughed a lot and cried a little.’ Then his friend dies and their souls are gathered, and both are asked to express their opinions about each other. So each one of them says to his friend: ‘You were the best brother, the best companion and the best friend.’ And when one of the two disbelieving friends dies, and he is given tidings of Hellfire, he remembered his friend and he said: ‘O Allah, my friend used to order me to disobey You and disobey Your Prophet, and commanded me to do evil, and forbade me from doing good, and told me that I would not meet You. O Allah, do not guide him after me, until you show him what you have just shown me and until you are dissatisfied with him just like You are dissatisfied with me.’ Then the other disbelieving friend dies, and their souls are gathered, and both are asked to give their opinions about each other. So each one says to his friend: ‘You were the worst brother, the worst companion and the worst friend.”
That is the end of those who do not have Taqwah and those who befriend for a sake other than that of Allah the Exalted. Allah has surely spoken the truth and we all should grasp what He has informed us of. It is through the good company that Allah, the Most High, saves those who are astray and guides the wicked. The benefit of mixing with the righteous is immense, and it will, insha’Allah, be even more obvious to us in the Hereafter. One of the early Muslims said that it is from Allah’s blessings upon a youth when he turns to worship that he is given brother who is a follower of the Sunnah encouraging him upon it.
Sealing a friendship for Allah’s sake will result in one’s receiving protection of Allah (swt). And as Ibn Abbas said: “No one may taste true faith except by this (i.e. building relationships for Allah’s sake), even if his prayers and fasts are many. People have come to build their relationship around the concerns of the world, but it will not benefit them in any way.” (3)
A scholar has said: “To seal a friendship for Allah’s sake indicates the obligation of establishing relationships of love and trust for His sake; this is a friendship for the sake of Allah. It also indicates that simple affection is not enough here; indeed what is meant is a love based upon alliance. This entails assistance, honor, and respect. It means being with those whom you love both in word and deed.” Loyalty for the sake of Allah really means to love Allah and to come to the assistance of His Deen; to love those who are obedient to Him and to come to their help. Moreover, the Shahadah “La Ilaha Illa Allah” requires us to ally ourselves for the sake of Allah, and it requires us to ally ourselves to the Muslims wherever we find them.
In two other authentic narration’s of the Prophet (saws) we were commanded to keep company with a believer only (3), and told that a person will be with those he loves (4). So if we love and associate ourselves with those who are misguided, we should fear for our fate. The wise person is the one who prepares himself for the Hereafter, not the one who neglects his faith and falls into the trap of Satan who tells him that he will be forgiven and that he can do whatever he wishes. If we truly believe that the best speech is the Speech of Allah and that he best guidance is the guidance of Prophet Muhammad (saws), we should act in accordance with them, lest we build a proof against ourselves.
Ali (raa) said: “Mix with the noble people, you become one of them; and keep away from evil people to protect yourself from their evils.” (4)
If we are truly concerned about our fate, we must come to this realisation: those who take us away from remembering Allah, from obeying Him and His Prophet (saws), those who fail to remind us of our daily prayers and those who do not give us sincere advice in regard to our Deen; such are really our foes and not our friends. On the other side, “a believer is the mirror of his brother” (5), and if he sees any faults in the other believer, he draws his attention to it, helps him to give it up and helps him wipe away any evil that he may have.
Ibn Hazm said: “Anyone who criticises you cares about your friendship. Anyone who makes light of your faults cares nothing about you.” (5)
How can we expect sincere advice and exhortation in regard to our religion from those who are displeased with our Deen or are simply indifferent? Are they going to help us achieve the purpose of our life, or will they take us away from it? Will they desire for us Allah’s pleasure or is that Completely irrelevant to them and not their concern at all? Are they leading us to al-Jannah or to the Hellfire? These are the questions we have to ask ourselves, lest we wake up after we die.
“O you who believe! Take care of your own selves. If you follow the right guidance and enjoin what is right and forbid what is wrong no hurt can come to you from those who are in error. The return of you all is to Allah, then He will inform you about (all) that which you used to do.” Qur’an 5:105
We ask Allah to make us of the righteous ones and give us companions that will take us away from His Wrath and lead us to His Pleasure and Paradise.
References:
1 Abu Dawood and at-Tirmithi
2 Al-Bukhari and Muslim
3 Abu Dawood and at-Tirmithi
4 Al-Bukhari and Muslim
5 Abu Dawood, Hasan Hadith
REMINDERS FOR TAKING THE KUFAR AS FRIENDS
Author Unknown
1. Befriending and liking them. Allaah says interpretation of the meaning):You will not find any people who believe in Allaah and the Last Day, making friendship with those who oppose Allaah and His Messenger; [al-Mujaadilah 58:22]
2. Inclining towards them, relying upon them and taking them as a support. Allaah says interpretation of the meaning): And incline not towards those who do wrong, lest the Fire should touch you[Hood 11:113]
3. Helping and supporting them against the Muslims. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): The believers, men and women, are awliya (helpers, supporters, friends, protectors) of one another [al-Tawbah 9:71].
He also says of the kuffaar that they are but awliya(helpers, supporters, friends, protectors) to one another [al-Maaidah 5:51]. And He says(interpretation of the meaning): And if any amongst you takes them as awliya, then surely he is one of them. [al-Maaidah 5:51].
4. Bringing their laws and rules to the Muslim countries. Allaah says(interpretation of the meaning): Do they then seek the judgement of the Days of Ignorance? [al-Maaidah 5:50]
5. Taking them as friends in general terms, taking them as helpers and supporters, and throwing in ones lot with them. Allaah forbids all this, as He says (interpretation of the meaning): O you who believe! Take not the Jews and the Christians as awliya (friends, protectors, helpers, etc.), they are but awliya to one another [al-Maaidah 5:51].
6. Compromising with them and being nice to them at the expense of ones religion. Allaah says(interpretation of the meaning): They wish that you should compromise (in religion out of courtesy) with them, so that they (too) would compromise with you. [al-Qalam 68:9]. This includes sitting with them and entering upon them at the time when they are making fun of the Signs of Allaah. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): And it has already been revealed to you in the Book that when you hear the Verses of Allaah being denied and mocked at, then sit not with them, until they engage in a talk other than that; (but if you stayed with them), certainly in that case you would be like them [al-Nisa 4:140]
7. Trusting them and taking them as advisors and consultants instead of the believers. Allaah says(interpretation of the meaning): O you who believe! Take not as (your) bitaanah (advisors, consultants, protectors, helpers, friends, etc.)those outside your religion (pagans, Jews, Christians, and hypocrites) since they will not fail to do their best to corrupt you. They desire to harm you severely. Hatred has already appeared from their mouths, but what their breasts conceal is far worse. Indeed We have made clear to you the aayaat (proofs, evidence, verses), if you understand. Lo! You are the ones who love them but they love you not, and you believe in all the Scriptures [i.e., you believe in the Tawraat and the Injeel, while they disbelieve in your Book (the Quraan)]. And when they meet you, they say, We believe. But when they are alone, they bite the tips of their fingers at you in rage. Say: Perish in your rage. Certainly Allaah knows what is in the breasts (all the secrets). If a good befalls you, it grieves them, but some evil overtakes you, they rejoice at it [Aal Imran 3:118-120].
THE MANNERS OF COMPANIONSHIP
Shaykh Badrud-Deen al-Ghazzee (d.984H) [1]
The Shaykh - rahimahullaah - said, [2]
Know O pious brother - may Allaah make our affairs good - that the manners of companionship and good relationships are of various types, of which I will explain, such as will show the person of intellect the manners of the Believers and the Pious; and come to know that Allaah the Most Perfect, the Most High has made them a mercy and helpers towards each other, which is why the Messenger of Allaah (saws) said, ‘‘The example of the Believers, in their mutual love and mercy is like the example of a body, if one part feels pain, then all of the body suffers in sleeplessness and fever.’’ [3]
And he (saws) said, ‘‘The Believer to the Believer is like a solid building, one part supporting the other.’’ [4] The Prophet (saws) also said, ‘‘The souls are arrayed armies, so those who knew each one another before, will be friendly…’’ [5] So if Allaah intends good for His servants, He grants them companionship of the people of the Sunnah, righteousness and adherence to the Religion; and keeps him free from the companionship of the people of innovations. The Prophet (saws) said, “A person is upon the religion of his friend, so let every one of you look to whom he keeps as a friend.’’ [6]
About a person, do not ask, but ask about his companion; Since every companion follows his friends.’
From the manners of companionship:
GOOD MANNERS:
Good manners with the brothers, peers and companions, following the Messenger of Allaah (saws) as he said, when it was said to him, ‘What is the best of what a person is given?’ So he replied, ‘‘Good manners.’’ [7]
MAKING ONE’S OPINION GOOD:
From the manners of companionship is behaving well regarding the faults that he sees of his companions, since Ibn Maazin said, ‘The Believer seeks excuses for his brothers, whilst the hypocrite seeks out their faults.’ And Hamdoon al-Qassaar said, ‘If one of your brothers commits an error, then seek ninety excuses for him, and if not, then you are the blameworthy one.’
COMPANIONSHIP WITH THE BELIEVERS:
To keep companionship with one whose Religion you trust and who is trustworthy, both inwardly and outwardly. Allaah the - Most High - says, “You will not find anyone who believes in Allaah and the Last Day, making friendship with those who oppose Allaah and His Messenger, even though they were their fathers, sons, brothers or their relatives. For such He has written eemaan (faith) in their hearts, and strengthened them with a spirit (proofs, light and guidance) from Himself. And We will admit them into gardens underneath which rivers flow, to dwell therein forever. Allaah is pleased with them, and they are pleased with Him. They are the Party of Allaah, indeed it is the Party of Allaah that will be successful.’’ [Sooratul-Mujaadilah 58:22]
FORMS OF COMPANIONSHIP:
For the Shaykhs and elders: with respect to service and to carry out their needs. For those of the same peer group and those of the ‘middle rank’: with sincere advice, giving what you have and being prepared to carry out their wishes. For the students and younger ones: by guidance, teaching of manners, carrying out what knowledge demands, guidance to the manners of the Sunnah, rulings concerning the matters of the heart, and to guide them to develop good manners.
OVERLOOKING MISTAKES:
From the manners of companionship is overlooking mistakes of the brothers and not reprimanding them. So al-Fudayl Ibn ’Iyaad (d.187H) said, ‘Chivalry is to overlook the mistakes of the brothers.’ Ibnul-A’raabee (d.231H) said, ‘Forgetting the harms caused by the brothers, causes you love of them to persist.’ So it is binding upon the Believer, that he avoids seekers of this world, since they will bring him down to the level of seeking it, and this will distance him from his salvation and it will distance him from remaining alert and being aware of it. Rather, he must strive hard in attaining the companionship of the good and the seekers of the Hereafter. Therefore, Dhun-Noon (d.245H) said to the one whom he advised, ‘Accompany the one whom you will be safe from outwardly, and whom - when you see him - it helps you in doing good and reminds you of your Lord.’
AGREEMENT WITH THE BROTHERS:
And from them is: not to differ much with the brothers, but continue agreeing with the brothers in those things allowed by knowledge and the Sharee’ah. Aboo ’Uthmaan said, ‘Agreeing with the brothers is better than showing compassion for them.’
LEAVING OF ENVY:
That he does not envy the signs of Allaah’s bounty upon them. Rather, he should be happy for that and praise Allaah for it, just as he would praise Allaah if it were seen upon him. Allaah - the Most High - censures the envious one, ‘‘Or do they envy men for what Allaah has given them from His bounty.’’ [Sooratun-Nisaa‘ 4:94]
The Prophet (saws) said, ‘‘Do not envy one another.’’ [8]
TO KEEP A FEELING OF MODESTY:
That he has hayaa‘ (modesty and shame) at all times, as he (saws) said, ‘‘Faith (eemaan) has sixty or seventy odd branches, the most excellent of them is witnessing that none has the right to be worshipped besides Allaah, and the lowest branch is removing something harmful from the road, and hayaa‘ is from eemaan.’’ [9] (saws) also said, ‘‘Hayaa‘ is from eemaan, and eemaan is from Paradise. Speaking obscenely is from coarseness and coarseness is from the Fire.’’ [10]
COMPANIONSHIP OF THE DIGNIFIED:
To accompany the one who he has a feeling of respect for, so that this prevents from acting contrary to the Sharee’ah. ’Alee (raa) said, ‘‘Enliven your feeling of hayaa‘ (shame), by sitting before those whom you feel shame. Ahmad Ibn Hanbal (d.241H) - rahimahullaah - said, ‘‘I have not been led into calamity except by accompanying those before whom I do not feel shame.’’
SHOWING HAPPINESS:
To have cheerfulness of the face, kindness of the tongue, largeness of the heart, outspreading the hands, withholding anger, leaving off pride, keeping people’s honor in mind and showing happiness at their companionship and brotherhood.
COMPANIONSHIP OF THE WISE SCHOLAR:
From good companionship is that he does not accompany except a Scholar, of a person who is mild, intelligent and has knowledge. Dhun-Noon - rahimahullaah - said, ‘Allaah has not disrobed any one of His servants or a robe better than intellect, and has not adorned him with a necklace better than knowledge, nor adorned him with anything better than mildness. And the completeness of that is taqwaa (fear of Allaah).’
GIVING SINCERE ADVICE:
Having a clean heart with regards to the brothers and advising them, as Allaah - the Most High - said, “Except he who comes to Allaah with a clean heart.’’ [Sooratush-Shu’araa 26:89]
Saree as-Saqatee (d.257H) - rahimahullaah - said, ‘One of the best manners of righteousness is having a good heart as regards the brothers and to give them sincere advice.’
NOT BREAKING PROMISES:
Since this is from hypocrisy, and he (saws) said, ‘‘The signs of the hypocrite are three: When he speaks he lies, when he makes a promise he breaks it and when he is entrusted he acts deceptively.’’ [11] Sufyaan ath-Thawree (d.164H) - rahimahullaah - said, ‘‘Do not make a promise to your brother and then break it, so that love turns to hate.’
Footnotes:
[1] He is the muftee and faqeeh, Abul-Barakaat Badrud-Deen al-Ghazzee. For his biography, refer to Shadharaatudh-Dhahab (8/403-406) of Ibnul-’Imaad and al-A’laam (7/59) of az-Ziriklee.
[2] From Aadaabul-’Ishrah wa Dhikrus-Suhbah wal-Ukhuwwah (p. 9-20) with the checking and authentication of hadeeth based upon that of Shaykh ’Alee Hasan al-Halabee and also Shaykh Mashhoor Hasan Salmaan.
[3] Related by al-Bukhaaree (no. 6011) and Muslim (no. 2586), from an-Nu’maan Ibn Basheer (raa).
[4] Related by al-Bukhaaree (no. 481) and Muslim (no. 2585), from Aboo Moosaa al-Ash’aree (raa).
[5] Saheeh: Related by al-Bukhaaree (6/369) with ta’leeq (suspension), from ’Aa‘ishah (raa). It was connected by Aboo Ya’laa in al-Musnad (no. 4381) with an isnaad whose narrators are from as-Saheeh - as occurs in al-Majma’ (8/88) of al-Haythamee.
[6] Hasan: Related by Ahmad (2/303), Aboo Daawood (no. 4812) and at-Tirmidhee (no. 2484), from Aboo Hurayrah (raa). It was authenticated by Imaam an-Nawawee in Riyaadus-Saaliheen (no. 174).
[7] Saheeh: Related by Wakee’ in az-Zuhd (no. 423), Ibn Hibbaan (1/427) and at-Tabaraanee in al-Kabeer (1/147), from Usaamah Ibn Shareek (raa). It was authenticated by al-Haafidh al-’Iraaqee in Takhreejul-Ihyaa‘ (2/157).
[8] Related by al-Bukhaaree (10/484) and Muslim (no. 2564), from Aboo Hurayrah (raa).
[9] Related by al-Bukhaaree (1/44) and Muslim (1/46)
[10] Saheeh: Related by Ahmad (2/501) and at-Tirmidhee (no. 2077) with a saheeh isnaad, from Aboo Hurayrah (raa).
[11] Related by al-Bukhaaree (5/289) and Muslim (1/76)
THE MUSLIM WOMAN AND HER FRIENDS AND SISTERS IN ISLAM
Author Unknown
Sisters in Islam: she loves them as sisters for the sake of Allah (SWT)
The way in which the true Muslim woman relates to her friends and sister in Islam is different from the way in which other women conduct their social affairs. Her relationship with her sisters is based on ta'akhi (brotherhood or sisterhood) for the sake of Allah (SWT).
This love for the sake of Allah (SWT) is the highest bond that may exist between one human being and another, whether man or woman. It is the bond of faith in Allah (SWT) which Allah (SWT) established between all believers when He said: (The Believers are but a single brotherhood . . .) (Qur'an 49:10)
The brotherhood of faith is the strongest of bonds between hearts and minds. It comes as no surprise to see that Muslim sisters enjoy a strong, enduring relationship that is based on love for the sake of Allah (SWT), which is the noblest and purest form of love between human beings. This is a love which is untainted by any worldly interest or ulterior motive.
It is the love in which Muslim men and women find the sweetness of faith: "There are three things that whoever attains them will find the sweetness of faith: if Allah (SWT) and His Messenger are dearer to him than anyone or anything else; if he loves a person solely for the sake of Allah (SWT); and if he would hate to return to kufr after Allah (SWT) has rescued him from it, as much as he would hate to be thrown into the Fire."1
The status of two who love one another for the sake of Allah (SWT)
Many hadith describe the status of two people who love another for the sake of Allah (SWT), whether they are men or women, and describe the high position in Paradise which Allah (SWT) has prepared for them and the great honour which He will bestow upon them on the Day when mankind is resurrected to meet the Lord of the Worlds.
It is sufficient honor for those who love one another for the sake of (SWT), men and women alike, to know that their almighty Lord will take care of them on the Day of Judgement and will say: "Where are those who loved one another for My glory? Today I will shade them in My shade on the Day when there is no shade but Mine."2 Such is the magnificent honor and tremendous reward that will be bestowed upon those who truly loved one another for the sake of Allah (SWT), on that awesome Day.
Love for the sake of Allah (SWT), and not for the sake of anything else in life, is very difficult, and none can attain it except the one who is pure of heart, for whom this world and all its pleasures are as nothing in comparison with the pleasure of Allah (SWT). It is not surprising that Allah (SWT) should give them a status and blessing which is commensurate with their position in this world, above whose concerns they have risen. We see proof of this in the hadith of Mu`adh, who said that the Prophet (PBUH) said: "Allah (SWT) said: `Those who love one another for My glory will have minbars of light, and the Prophets and martyrs will wish that they had the same."3
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